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MY Halloween Story: Anyone Care to Comment?

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Author Topic: MY Halloween Story: Anyone Care to Comment?  (Read 576 times)
Bad Penny
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« on: October 19, 2010, 02:53:14 am »

The Legend of the Haunted Port-o-Potty



Maj. Drinker stood downwind of the snack wagons at the county fair somewhere in Red State America, savoring the aromas of buttered roast corn-on-the cob and corndogs and pizza slices.  He felt like a stranger here, so near to where he’d been born and reared, as his experiences overseas in the service of the little-known United States Intelligence Gathering and History Fabricating Administration had led him to feel contempt towards the simple folk at the fair who seemed so ignorant of what had to be done, and who had to die, to keep them safe from the world outside their borders.  They seemed to him to take a certain pride in their gullibility, equating faith in their government with love of country.  It was only recently that Maj. Drinker himself had begun to read of the nation’s Founding Fathers, who framed the Constitution from the perspective of their distrust of government.  He was just beginning to understand that he was as estranged from the happy fairgoers as they themselves were from their own nation’s founders, but that he now lay at the opposite end of the moral and philosophical spectrum from those founders.  He saw the fairgoers as being neither good nor evil, but as taking encouragement from their preachers, who told them every week that they were better than those who didn’t attend their particular church.  Beyond that, even the most wide-eyed and innocent among them just stone-cold didn’t care, so long as the roast corn-on-the-cob and the corndogs and the pizza slices kept on coming.  Coming their way, that is.

The appetizing aromas nearly distracted his mind from returning to his early operational days in a little-known German village called Bacondoublecheeseburg.  His superiors there introduced him to a plan which appealed to his Skull-and-Bones schoolboy mind: Operation Bluebeam.  Operation Bluebeam was a plan to project enormous holographic images of culturally important figures (Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, Glen Beck, whomever) into the night sky.  But the young Lt. Drinker felt he had a better idea: seeing as society was fracturing away from mass cultural experiences to individual microcultural envelopment, in that such public events as vaudeville and cinema gave way to television in the home, which provided a means by which people who lived together needn’t look at one another, even as television, in turn, would give way to Walkmen which allowed one to listen to his or her own psychologically pre-assigned music while ignoring the world around him or her.  The future Maj. Drinker had the idea that the logical extension of this was that Project Bluebeam should reach its victims individually and intimately and in an isolating, rather than a social, environment, and what setting could best meet this criteria than....

Maj. Drinker abandoned his reverie as the woman who occupied the summit of society in this tiny village, Mrs. FitzWhatsitt, approached the experimental device.  Said Mrs. FitzWhatsitt: “Oh, how horrid the thought that I should have to regain my comfort in such a foul, working-class contraption.  Nevertheless, regain my comfort I must.  Oh, pity me!”  THe noble Mrs. FitzWhatsitt stepped, disgustedly, towards the Port-o-Potty.

Maj. Drinker grinned, more mischievously than sadistically, at the though of the experiment now immanent.

Flicking the switch to power-up the holographic projection device, and adding the code for Mrs. FitzWhatsitt’s personal data, he heard her shrieks:  “Oh, no!  I’m being haunted by the ghosts of my shattered credit score!  Marshall Field, Carson Pirie Scott, HELP ME!  MY CHARGE PLATES ARE HAUNTING ME!”

She ran from the port-o-potty sobbing, yet she managed to say: “Such a fright positively aided me in the completion of my port-o-potty business, as it  truly SCARED THE **** OUT OF ME!  I shall never patronize this fair again!”  She walked away in a huff.

The disturbance caused interest in the device to spread through the crowd.  One man entered, only to leave shouting: “My late Uncle Elmer told  me Jesus wants me to vote Republican!”  Another emerged shouting: “No, Jesus wants us all to vote Democratic!”  The relatives of the two men squared off against one another, until the joyful events of the fair gave way to fisticuffs.

Maj. Drinker smiled bitterly at the sight, and reached into his hip pocket for his elixir.
« Last Edit: October 19, 2010, 04:28:48 am by Bad Penny » Report Spam   Logged

Are you taking over?
Or are you taking orders?
I ain't going backwards!
We're going only forwards!

The Clash, White Riot

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Jonnie Goodboy
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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2010, 06:05:24 pm »

what do I tink? Dunno!

But have you thought of trying to get published in Readers Digest?
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"When the righteous become many, the people rejoice; but when anyone wicked bears rule, the people sigh".
— Prov 29:2
Bad Penny
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« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2010, 10:50:46 am »

what do I tink? Dunno!

But have you thought of trying to get published in Readers Digest?

Oh, man, would I LOVE to get published in Readers' Digest, particularly as I understand they pay a lot.  But I really don't think they publish "truther" material such as this, just 'all American" stuff that illustrates the importance of every American fulfilling his/her ultimate duty of citizenship by means of blind faith in and obedience to the government.  Anyways, I deliberately chose Halloween for this story because, as a Christian, Halloween isn't my holiday, but, rather, the death-loving NWO's holiday.  It's a pagan holiday in which people pretend to be ghouls, and I refuse to observe such nonsense.  All Saints' Day, on the other hand, is sanctioned by the Christian Church and gives me a wonderful opportunity to show my love for those of my deceased ancestors who have made it into heaven, and All Souls Day (a different day) gives me the same opportunity to show my love for those who have only made it as far as purgatory.

Could I ask you: Why are you going after me so hard?  (And thanks for getting people to read my lame little story!)
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Are you taking over?
Or are you taking orders?
I ain't going backwards!
We're going only forwards!

The Clash, White Riot
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« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2010, 11:49:47 am »

We are amused  Grin
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Jonnie Goodboy
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« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2010, 03:05:25 pm »


Could I ask you: Why are you going after me so hard?  (And thanks for getting people to read my lame little story!)

It could be something to do with the disease that comes in the form of people's main occupation being to gather information on other posters and then to pass that on as gossip .... "Oh he's mad, he believes in ..."

Let's be honest, why don't the instigators of slander, rumour, meaningless opinion and gossip just come out in public and say what they can only admit behind closed doors or on the phone or in PM's. The rumour mill that is created is not unlike 'what they don't know, they make up' small town phenomenon and shows a certain catholic upbringing in some people who commonly invest themselves with certain positions of authority, because it worked for them once before, say on a personal level in relationships and how to get your way.

If people were christians at all, then you would abstain from slander.

There are many manipulative and clever people, and increasingly large numbers of those who think that their blatant lack of sincerity makes them 'clever enough' to be both judges of character and of things they simply know nothing whatsoever about. I call these Gargoyle type persons, 'People who know a great deal about Nothing Whatsoever'.

And I am sorry if I have once again in this non-visual, and thus difficult to manage environment for me, given a wholly wrong impression, one for instance that I too care for anyone whatsoever, unlike christ who became I believe in the end wholly exhausted by the people he met and had to put up with.

Anyway, good luck with it all. As for UFO's v Constitutional matters, joking aside, (sic) I think I have far better chance of seeing the former as a proven reality, personally, than ever witnessing the transcribing of an actual 'constitution for the United Kingdom' in either this lifetime or the next.

Politicians now, and their stoogies too, make it up, more or less, as they go along these days. So why would I pay any heed or wasted energy to their claims or promises ...? I have absolutely no intention of doing.

I can only pinpoint and point out what I know, most likely from all the evidence I have personally experienced that such and such is quite likely true or could be an outcome etc. But putting my faith in the words of common garden liars and slanderers and deceivers is not likely to be very high on my list of priorities given the small time frame in which anyone one of us has in this life.

Jones is regularly to be heard now pointing out that the forums are run by undesirables.

Any way this is really boring and the whole thing brings to mind Martin Brundles' commentary from the Korean Formula 1 race today, regarding HRT teams new participation. viz: "I don't know what they're doing here, or what their objectives are ...". I feel like a Louis Hamilton, all soaking wet and stuck behind a slow 'safety car' that threatens to be there for the whole sodden affair. I'd rather be in Linda Hamilton's Pants. (Sarah Conner)

And so, adieu.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2010, 03:17:35 pm by Two Tenners » Report Spam   Logged


"When the righteous become many, the people rejoice; but when anyone wicked bears rule, the people sigh".
— Prov 29:2
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