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Two Tenners: I've Just Figured Out How To Conquer England: BLACKPOOL!

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Author Topic: Two Tenners: I've Just Figured Out How To Conquer England: BLACKPOOL!  (Read 804 times)
Bad Penny
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« on: March 19, 2011, 03:26:05 am »

Earlier this evening I looked on a map just to see where Blackpool was, and, when I saw the lay of the land, my amphibious mind caught fire and the following operational plan literally threw itself together inside my head.

Let's say you're a proud and happy citizen of the Jeffersonian Ron Paul/Alex Jones Republic of England, and I'm the God-Emperor of the Holy New World Order North American Union.

As long as I control Ireland (hardly difficult, as one can always use the immaturity of Irish political discourse to pit one group of Irishmen against the rest, and the additional advantage of Irish-American numerical superiority (thirty million Irish-Americans as opposed to six million Irish-Irishmen) and financial clout (OK, so Irish-Americans are largely working-class (as am my own little German-Polish-American self), but the nickles and dimes of thirty million working-class Americans would certainly constitute a proper financial sledgehammer within the context of Ireland's financial reality) would certainly allow me to gain control over that country), I could land the cargoes of my trans-Atlantic convoys on the west coast of Ireland for overland transport to the east coast of Ireland (centering on Dublin rather than on Belfast, which is hemmed in by Scotland and the Isle of Man).

My assault across the Irish Sea would then begin with the landing of the 101st Air Assault Division within the triangle LONGRIDGE -- GREAT HARWOOD -- INTERSECTION M6/PRESTON NEW ROAD.  The division would then concentrate upon INTERSECTION M6/PRESTON NEW ROAD.
This would be followed by a landing by the 4th Infantry Division (Mechanized) landing along the right bank of the River RIBBLE  from the point due south of LYTHUM SAINT ANNE'S ranging five kilometers inland (i.e., eastward) along the RIBBLE Estuary.  This landing area will be designated BEACH ROCKEFELLER.

Now, this presents me with a conundrum, as I can either defend an initial perimeter along the right bank of the River RIBBLE (which would allow English forces to establish defensive positions along the left bank of the River RIBBLE, possibly blocking any southward advance), or charge aggressively across the River RIBBLE to provide myself with a staging area for subsequent southward advances.  My solution: why should I be happy with one option when I can choose both: hold the right bank of the RIBBLE Estuary defensively as far as the point directly opposite the confluence of the River RIBBLE with the River ASLAND, eastward of that point crossing the River RIBBLE in the southward direction from that point eastwards to the western outskirts of the city of PRESTON, establishing an initial defensive line along an axis MOUTH OF ASLAND -- WALTON-LE-DALE.

Simultaneously with the landing of the 4th Infantry Division (Mechanized), the 1st Marine Division would land in that little bay due east of FORTON (this landing area will be designated BEACH MORGAN), advancing therefrom in divergent fashion upon DOLPHINHOLME and GARSTANG, interdicting the M6 and the canal connecting CARNFORTH with PRESTON.

Subsequent operations would involve the landing of the 3rd Armored Division upon BEACH ROCKEFELLER, advancing inland along divergent southerly axes upon LIVERPOOL and MANCHESTER, subsequent operations contingent upon further developments.

***

So, whaddya tink?
« Last Edit: March 19, 2011, 03:38:25 am by Bad Penny » Report Spam   Logged

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« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2011, 07:38:51 am »

Earlier this evening I looked on a map just to see where Blackpool was, and, when I saw the lay of the land, my amphibious mind caught fire and the following operational plan literally threw itself together inside my head.

Let's say you're a proud and happy citizen of the Jeffersonian Ron Paul/Alex Jones Republic of England, and I'm the God-Emperor of the Holy New World Order North American Union.

As long as I control Ireland (hardly difficult, as one can always use the immaturity of Irish political discourse to pit one group of Irishmen against the rest, and the additional advantage of Irish-American numerical superiority (thirty million Irish-Americans as opposed to six million Irish-Irishmen) and financial clout (OK, so Irish-Americans are largely working-class (as am my own little German-Polish-American self), but the nickles and dimes of thirty million working-class Americans would certainly constitute a proper financial sledgehammer within the context of Ireland's financial reality) would certainly allow me to gain control over that country), I could land the cargoes of my trans-Atlantic convoys on the west coast of Ireland for overland transport to the east coast of Ireland (centering on Dublin rather than on Belfast, which is hemmed in by Scotland and the Isle of Man).

My assault across the Irish Sea would then begin with the landing of the 101st Air Assault Division within the triangle LONGRIDGE -- GREAT HARWOOD -- INTERSECTION M6/PRESTON NEW ROAD.  The division would then concentrate upon INTERSECTION M6/PRESTON NEW ROAD.
This would be followed by a landing by the 4th Infantry Division (Mechanized) landing along the right bank of the River RIBBLE  from the point due south of LYTHUM SAINT ANNE'S ranging five kilometers inland (i.e., eastward) along the RIBBLE Estuary.  This landing area will be designated BEACH ROCKEFELLER.

Now, this presents me with a conundrum, as I can either defend an initial perimeter along the right bank of the River RIBBLE (which would allow English forces to establish defensive positions along the left bank of the River RIBBLE, possibly blocking any southward advance), or charge aggressively across the River RIBBLE to provide myself with a staging area for subsequent southward advances.  My solution: why should I be happy with one option when I can choose both: hold the right bank of the RIBBLE Estuary defensively as far as the point directly opposite the confluence of the River RIBBLE with the River ASLAND, eastward of that point crossing the River RIBBLE in the southward direction from that point eastwards to the western outskirts of the city of PRESTON, establishing an initial defensive line along an axis MOUTH OF ASLAND -- WALTON-LE-DALE.

Simultaneously with the landing of the 4th Infantry Division (Mechanized), the 1st Marine Division would land in that little bay due east of FORTON (this landing area will be designated BEACH MORGAN), advancing therefrom in divergent fashion upon DOLPHINHOLME and GARSTANG, interdicting the M6 and the canal connecting CARNFORTH with PRESTON.

Subsequent operations would involve the landing of the 3rd Armored Division upon BEACH ROCKEFELLER, advancing inland along divergent southerly axes upon LIVERPOOL and MANCHESTER, subsequent operations contingent upon further developments.

***

So, whaddya tink?

Waddi Tank?

For a start the River Ribble has Northern and Southern banks, not Western & Eastern. I launched my first assault on the Isle of Anglesey (Wales) at the tender age of 19 in a home-built 3-masted cutter, (converted Marine Scouts rowing vessel of 33' length) in ~1973 from this very location. I can supply a picture of our boat (1973).

If you wish to take Lytham-St-Annes I strongly recommend taking the route round Anglesey via the Menai-Straights.


The ever calm waters and blue skies over Anglesey.

This route is too constraining for the manoevers necessary by any challenging British Naval power(s) and will assure this plan goes without hitch.

It's the route navigated by the 1970's Trans-Atlantic 100' master NYC to Lytham North-Atlantic Racers. The Biggest Race in the world at the time, quite possibly. So what could possibly go wrong.

This will assure you see a safe and unhindered passage for your planned invasion which is nothing short of a wonderful idea. I can only say: Good luck & may the God of the Wind be with you.




« Last Edit: March 19, 2011, 07:58:35 am by Two Tenners » Report Spam   Logged


"When the righteous become many, the people rejoice; but when anyone wicked bears rule, the people sigh".
Prov 29:2
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« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2011, 04:08:04 pm »

Actually, when I said east and west with reference to the River Ribble, I was referring to upstream and downstream, respectively.  I used the term right bank for north bank and left bank for south bank.  But, you're right, I should have said "upstream" and "downstream" instead of "east" and "west" for clarity's sake.

There would be no point to taking Angelsey, as it's too far from my eventual objective area (Liverpool and Manchester), and the terrain between Angelsey and the two cities is a little rugged for open maneuver.  While the Menai Strait would prevent the British Navy from maneuvering against me, it would also prevent me from maneuvering and would allow me to become trapped.  The assault across the open Irish Sea is my best option, whereas the best option for a British defense is to attack my trans-Atlantic convoys before they reach the west coast of Ireland, which is what the Germans did in World War II and it delayed the invasion of continental Europe for years.

By the way, why are you rooting for me?  I'm the bad guys (the NWO), while England is the good guys (the movement for liberty).  Which side are you on?  Wink
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« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2011, 04:45:59 pm »

Actually, when I said east and west with reference to the River Ribble, I was referring to upstream and downstream, respectively.  I used the term right bank for north bank and left bank for south bank.  But, you're right, I should have said "upstream" and "downstream" instead of "east" and "west" for clarity's sake.

There would be no point to taking Angelsey, as it's too far from my eventual objective area (Liverpool and Manchester), and the terrain between Angelsey and the two cities is a little rugged for open maneuver.  While the Menai Strait would prevent the British Navy from maneuvering against me, it would also prevent me from maneuvering and would allow me to become trapped.  The assault across the open Irish Sea is my best option, whereas the best option for a British defense is to attack my trans-Atlantic convoys before they reach the west coast of Ireland, which is what the Germans did in World War II and it delayed the invasion of continental Europe for years.

By the way, why are you rooting for me?  I'm the bad guys (the NWO), while England is the good guys (the movement for liberty).  Which side are you on?  Wink

This is all starting to sound a bit like the excuses our MAP ILLITERATE Captain used when we encountered the Local Pilot Boat going out to sea, as we returned up the Ribble, Backwards (actually stern first), on the Wrong Side of 'The Road' (you boat on right and left, too),  with no-engine power (we'd plain sailed it from Anglesey), no Navigation lights, only a Paraffin fueled Mast-Head lamp on top of the 30' mast and a torn Main Sail hanging over the whole damned show like a ruined washing line.

          We'd run aground you see, on the most dangerous sandbanks between Lytham & NYC   Huh?  Lips Sealed  Angry

To have seen the looks on the faces of the men on the Pilot Boat as they encoutered what must have appeared to be David Crosby, Neil Young and Graham Nash (my god we were 3 younger lookalikes ..) going backwards in time whilst Neil Young (!) puffed on his Classic Englishman's Pipe ... Yet, he was only 18 years old ....

Those were the days. A word of caution, though I hoped it would be already self-evident: Unless you're looking for true seaborn adventure, sinkings and all ... don't plan your voyages or invasions based on my advice ...
« Last Edit: March 19, 2011, 04:51:13 pm by Two Tenners » Report Spam   Logged


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« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2011, 05:09:29 pm »

Actually, I made a boo-boo: the bay that I want for Beach Morgan is due west of Forton, rather than east.   Embarrassed
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« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2011, 08:29:22 am »

Actually, I made a boo-boo: the bay that I want for Beach Morgan is due west of Forton, rather than east.   Embarrassed

You've completely lost me now; or with any luck I've completely lost you.
Better still.
Now where's that WWIII they're all moaning about? ...
Whooh, there it is ...

Excuse me, how can I help you boys understand your dilemma?
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« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2011, 10:59:22 am »

Actually, I looked at Google Earth pictures of my intended landing beaches, and I saw those enormous sandbars to which you refer.  All I can say is that such obstacles present no problem for modern American landing craft.  No problem at all.  They would be of no concern whatsoever.
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« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2011, 12:31:47 pm »

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« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2011, 03:49:08 pm »

37:

Yeah, OK, so I get the Blackpool reference in his opening monologue, as well as the well-deserved remarks aimed at a certain band from a certain city somewhat to the south of Blackpool.  And, although I've never liked the White Stripes, I'm thrilled that they chose to play an old song from the Appalachian Mountain culture of the US.  But, I've gotta tell you, that, the way he sings that song reminds me way to much of the homosexualist harassment I endured for the first three and a half years after I moved back to Providence, and gives me just one more reason not to listen to the White Stripes again.  (Indeed, I didn't make it through the whole video.)

One thing I really like: here's a video of a song created by Northern California emulators of the Southern California immigrant German farmer culture.  Although the Southern California German farmers had a culture with a strongly homosexualist bent, just look at what the native-born Americans did with their culture, and how emphatically heterosexual the Native-born Americans' re-interpretation of the Southern California German farmer culture turned out to be:



I'm really proud of these kids!

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I ain't going backwards!
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« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2011, 04:01:37 pm »

37:

Actually, here's my ABSOLUTE favo(u)rite native-born American re-imagination of the Southern California German immigrant farmer culture:


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Are you taking over?
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I ain't going backwards!
We're going only forwards!

The Clash, White Riot
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